


A Thing of the Past

by i_write_a_lot



Category: The Avengers
Genre: Angst, Bucky's past is NOT pretty, Dark, Feels, Friendship, Futuristic, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Hydra, Issues, M/M, Nightmares, Other - Freeform, Past Abuse, Past Brainwashing, Past Torture, andriods/cyborgs, dark themes, frozen, light humor, lots of feels, past thoughts of suicide, slighty futuristic?, small amount of romance at the end, so many feels, team mostly in the background, trapped in ice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-09
Updated: 2014-11-09
Packaged: 2018-02-24 16:01:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2587418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_write_a_lot/pseuds/i_write_a_lot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky and Steve have a long, overdue conversation about how Bucky managed to live as long as Steve has but still sort-of aged at the same time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Thing of the Past

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sholio](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sholio/gifts).



> -As usual, I do not own the Avengers. 
> 
> -http://sholio.livejournal.com/ linked a post about dark hurt/comfort, and that perked my interest. I then read ‘Out of the Dead Land’ by emilyenrose which was fantabulous! I really enjoyed it, and I thought-I wanna write about Bucky worried he’s a cyborg, with lots of hurt/comfort from Steve and a lot of angst and dark topics. I hope it turns out okay.

It was a warm summer evening, and every member of the avengers was accounted for and inside the Tower, enjoying a day to themselves for the change, without any world changing events. Steve walked into the living area, half-expecting everyone to be watching a movie or just generally chatting, but was surprised to find only Bucky there, sprawled out on the sofa, and snoring.

“Jarvis,” Steve said softly, staring at his long-time friend. “How long has he been asleep?”

“Sargent Barnes has been asleep for near to an hour, Captain Rogers.” Jarvis’s tone was lined with respect and equal softness, so as not to wake Bucky. It didn’t seem to matter however, Bucky woke with a start, and began waving his arms around the air, cursing in another language-Russian?/German?-and sobbing as he was struggling against an unseen enemy. 

“Bucky? Bucky!” Steve dashed to his best friend’s side, and grabbed hold of him so he wouldn’t hurt himself. Steve held him against his body, and quietly began soothing him, repeating that ‘it’s okay, I’m here, everything’s fine, you’re safe’ over and over until finally Bucky seemed to stabilize himself. 

“I was asleep,” Bucky said softly, his voice hoarse and uneasy. Steve nodded. “Steve…I was…sleeping.” 

Steve frowned. 

“You sleep, though,” Steve said finally, confused. 

“Steve, how do you think that I lived this long?” Bucky asked him, hesitantly almost. Steve blinked. 

“Er…I’m not sure,” He admitted, frowning. He’d been wondering about that, and figured that somehow Bucky had managed to get into an ‘ice-state’ like he had. He must be wrong, though, and said as much. 

Bucky laughed. 

“No. Far from it,” Bucky said, staring at him. “I…Steve. I died. When I fell off that train.”

Steve stared at him. 

“No. You’re still here. You’re here, Bucky,” Steve insisted, and Bucky nodded agreement. 

“Yes, I’m here. But…some of me isn’t. My arm, for example, is completely gone. A few pieces of my shoulder. My memory. I died, Steve. Hydra captured my body, and began to experiment, and I guess they had some kind of machine that managed to bring me back to life, because suddenly I was alive and confused and my memories were screwed up-but when they realized I had my memories, they put me in some kind of…machine, I guess. I don’t know exactly, it’s only faintly there because I dreamed it. I think they were trying to make me into an entirely new person based on the personality of their choosing which was-follow Hydra’s orders, kill, torture, and do anything that any member of Hydra asked.” Bucky gave a hollow laugh. “They’re good at getting machines to work, I know from experience, being one of them.”

“You’re not some damned machine, Bucky!” Steve said hotly, and Bucky just shook his head. 

“I am, Steve. I’m a cyborg…well, I might not have a computer in my head…actually-Jarvis? Do I have a computer in my head?” Bucky asked, and Steve paused in their discussion and both looked up at the ceiling unable to help themselves as they waited for an answer. 

“Sir has already asked, and done a thorough check to make sure you are who you are,” Jarvis reassured him. 

“That’s not a no,” Bucky said darkly, and Jarvis heaved a sigh. 

“Sargent Barnes, you have no computer parts or computers within your mind or body, aside from your arm. I have triple-checked, you are completely…well, mostly yourself,” Jarvis corrected himself near the end, and Bucky looked relieved. Steve felt a bit relieved himself, but tried not to show it, nor pay much attention to it. 

“Okay, see, you’re not a cyborg. A cyborg has a computer in their head,” Steve tried to reassure him, and Bucky sighed. 

“Well, that’s one thing, at least.” He muttered, and shook his head. “Steve, you know how they kept me ‘alive’? They reprogrammed my memories, they worked on my arm and told me that I was a faulty piece of equipment that needed to always be fixed. When I wasn’t ‘in use’, they put me into a tiny little long box with a lid, and when the lid closed over me…it iced over. I was so cold, all the time, and…I was frozen, Steve. I couldn’t move, couldn’t speak, could only feel time passing by. I couldn’t even think straight because of the memories being messed up like they were. It was like-like…there aren’t even words to describe it. I’d say it was like hell, but no-hell was when I stupidly fell off the goddamn train,” Bucky said with a slightly hysterical laugh. 

Steve felt cold. 

“Buck…it’s not your fault,” Steve said softly, and Bucky just sighed.

“Yeah, I know, Cap,” He breathed out an annoyed sounding sigh, and then shook his head. “I guess it doesn’t matter anymore if it’s my fault or not, since we’re here together and that’s all in the past.” He hesitated. “Steve…you know, there were times when I was frozen and even when I was…awake…that all I thought about was-you. You and how   
brave you are, how fearless…how strong and fast and…”

“I wasn’t feeling very brave when you fell off that train, Buck,” Steve admitted, and Bucky shook his head. 

“You kept on with the mission, right? You went on fighting,” 

“That’s not bravery, that’s me being a stubborn ass,” Steve said dryly, gaining a real laugh from Bucky this time.

“Yeah, you always were an ass,” Bucky teased, and there was a lot of ribbing and wrestling then, until they finally settled back down. Bucky was still awfully close to Steve, and   
Steve could only think of how nice and comforting this one-holding one of his best friends in the world. It was a sense of serenity and calm that he never felt anywhere else…well, except maybe when he was doing art, but it wasn’t the same, he told himself. 

“Steve-would you mind if I kissed you?” Bucky asked, and Steve blinked in surprise before smiling wryly. 

“You normally just kiss without asking, Bucky. I’ve seen you with the dames at the theatres, you know,” 

Bucky chuckled.

“Yeah, I know. I did that to make you feel jealous, you punk,”

“Jerk,” Steve replied automatically, and noticed Bucky quirking a smile. “What?”

“You haven’t answered my question-would you mind if I kissed you?” Bucky repeated, this time softer and serious, his warm brown eyes staring into Steve’s baby blue ones.

Steve considered for a moment, and then said, 

“Only if you promise not to make fun of me if I turn out to be a terrible kisser,” Steve said with a smirk.

He would’ve said something else witty, but his thoughts were momentarily derailed when Bucky slammed his lips against his without warning, and there was a hand at the   
back of his neck, and it was-

Bucky pulled away, and Steve blinked feeling like he was floating. 

“Why the hell did you stop?” Steve complained, gaining a snicker from the doorway. Steve turned to see Tony, Clint, and Natasha all staring at them from the doorway. 

“I figured you wouldn’t want to have an audience,” Bucky said with a wickedly pleased look. 

Steve eyed them for a moment, and then-

“You know what? I don’t care,” And he grabbed Bucky and began to kiss him as though it was just the two of them in the world, and no one else. Neither of them noticed Clint and Tony betting how long this kiss would last, nor did they notice Natasha calmly grabbing her camera and snapping a photo of them, planning on giving it to them as a Christmas present or…

But then again, perhaps not. 

It would make excellent blackmail material in the future, after all.   
==

End

**Author's Note:**

> -Kudos and Comments are much love! Thank you very much for reading!


End file.
